As many of you know, we are now underway with this current sermon series on the family.  On the last two Sundays, I addressed men and women about their roles in marriage.  Many in our church are dealing with the pain of a previous failed marriage or are in one that is on the rocks and are barely hanging on.  It is difficult for some to hear about God’s pattern for marriage and wonder if things might have been different if they heard and heeded these words five, ten or twenty years ago.

To those who deal with pain of regret or failure: know that the Lord loves you and shares your grief for what has happened and what may have been lost over the years.  Some things can never be undone and have lasting consequences. However you can ask the Lord for forgiveness and the courage and strength to make today and tomorrow better and seek the forgiveness of those whom you have wronged.  Asking for and granting forgiveness is a powerful thing.  When we ask for forgiveness it requires humility of heart that is unnatural and requires us to stand honestly and humbly before God and others and ask for what we do not deserve.   Whether you are in need of forgiveness or need to forgive others for past failures, here are some truths from scripture that will help you:

Forgiveness …

• Is an ongoing choice                             Matthew 6:14-15; 18:20-22
• Requires humility                                   Matt 18:34-35, Col 3:14-15, Heb 9:22
• Requires trust in God                            James 5:14-16, Romans 12:18-20
•  Is promised                                         1 John 1:9, 1 John 2:12

To those who are struggling to hang on today: know that marriage is often messy and difficult … but divorce is worse.  Don’t be discouraged when you compare your marriage to others because everyone’s marriage is a work in progress. You are accountable to God for your marriage; no one else’s. Many marriages have weathered serious storms and have come out better.  There is hope!

In recent months, I have watched several movies by actor and producer Tyler Perry.  The heroes in his stories are African American men and women of faith who, despite tragic experiences, overcome their crisis because of their faith in the Lord and they go on to experience what he calls “breakthroughs.”  While the language and humor are often inappropriate for young viewers, the point is powerful … faith in the Lord makes all of the difference. 

If you knew you had cancer, you would spare no expense to arrest the spread of those cells in your body.  With the same mindset, you must pull in every resource available to you to strengthen your marriage!  Here are some practical tips for you if things are unraveling or if you just want to make things better:

• Understand what God’s pattern for marriage and family should look like.  Read carefully through the key passages that describe God’s pattern for marriage.  Here are some of the main ones:  Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-40, Colossians 3:18-21. Also, there are some wonderful books by Christian authors available in the Atrium each Sunday.  Pick one up and consider what you can do to build your relationship. Compare your marriage to God’s plan, then repent, confess and make plans to obey the Lord. 

• Pray – ask God to show you were you fall short and to help you actively build your marriage. Ask God to show you where your spouse falls short then pray for them like your life depends on it.  God is in the heart and life changing business and no problem is too large, no heart too hard … there is hope for you.  Prayer is the source of hope, strength and all wisdom – do not spend more time talking to your friends, mom or neighbor than you do to the Lord. Know that God is for you and your marriage; when you pray you can pray with confidence believing that God wants to heal your relationship and grow your love for one another. 

• Work towards a goal … work towards what you do desire in marriage.  So many people have a clearer idea of what they do not want than what they do want.  I encourage you to find a mentor couple 10-15 years older who have a marriage you think is a good example of God’s plan for marriage then pursue them … watch, ask questions, take notes.  As a church, we are blessed with many couples who deeply love the Lord and have marriages that are built after God’s plan.

• Get the help you need.  Don’t let pride, finances or a busy schedule stop you. You may be in a nose dive and need someone to guide you to stop the destructive behaviors and get on a plan toward health and growth.  There are some wonderful counselors in our area who counsel from a biblical perspective.  You can call the church office if you need suggestions.  Maybe you need to make a weekend to go away together and attend a marriage conference specifically designed to strengthen an aspect of your relationship.  On the homepage our website is an advertisement for an upcoming Marriage Enrichment Conference I highly recommend.

As your pastor, I am for you and your marriage! 

Blessings,

Pastor Paul